Tough and Tender Parenting

One of the most difficult thing about parenting is giving consequences.  After all, your children may respond completely differently when given the same consequence.  What is effective with one child may not be effective with another.  How do you know which response is best?  I don't believe that there's a good direct answer to this question but I can give you a little advice that may help.  Many times, we think of people as being strict (tough) or loose (tender).  Instead of being one or the other, my suggestion is to be both.  

When you need to provide discipline, examine the behavior and ask yourself whether it would be beneficial to respond in a way that is tough or tender.  By varying your response, you're likely to be more respected by your child and also respond in a way that is most appropriate for the behavior that you're trying to address.  

Love is tough and tender

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Jeff Veley

Jeff Veley is youth speaker, bullying expert, and social skills educator.

His mission is to equip students with the social and emotional skills that empower them to face adversity, grow in resilience, and solve their own social problems by exercising the Golden Rule.

To date, Jeff's message has reached over one million people.  Jeff and his program have been recognized by the Interfaith Peace-Building Initiative of the United Nations and are a recipient of the Golden Rule International Award for effectiveness in teaching conflict resolution.  The United Nations officially recognizes Jeff as a Goodwill Peace Ambassador in over 120 nations of the world.

Be Someone's "Amy"

Listen to the clip above about the girl who changed my life with one simple act of kindness.  I've been looking for amy since I was 14 years old.  I tried tracking her down via social media, phone books - everything I could think of, with no luck.  Until this...

Love is kind

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Jeff Veley

Jeff Veley is youth speaker, bullying expert, and social skills educator.

His mission is to equip students with the social and emotional skills that empower them to face adversity, grow in resilience, and solve their own social problems by exercising the Golden Rule.

To date, Jeff's message has reached over one million people.  Jeff and his program have been recognized by the Interfaith Peace-Building Initiative of the United Nations and are a recipient of the Golden Rule International Award for effectiveness in teaching conflict resolution.  The United Nations officially recognizes Jeff as a Goodwill Peace Ambassador in over 120 nations of the world.

Every Man Needs a Man Cave

Yep, you heard me right.   I'm a proud mancave advocate.  For years I have said that whenever I buy a house, I need a space like this.  I believe that everyone should have a special place set aside to decompress and I often encourage kids to pick a spot in their house for this purposeEveryone can benefit from a designated spot to play, to de-stress, and chill.  

My mancave is filled with a drum set, fun things I've collected while traveling, and gifts given to my father before he passed.  It's my place of peace which is often visited after a long day.  I may walk in feeling overwhelmed but always feel better when I leave.  It's one of the ways that I cope.  

When speaking to young people, I often share an illustration with a balloon.  I explain that we all have an emotional balloon inside that fills up over time when we go through something stressful or difficult.  A loss of a family member can fill our balloon.  Being hurt by someone we love can fill our balloon.  Many people allow their balloon to become so full that all of a sudden they POP!  It doesn't have to be that way.

Coping skills can be used to let air out of your emotional balloon.  It might be playing a sport, listening to music, writing, or drawing.  Often the best coping skills are connected to your kids passions.  Others are simply exercises that can be used anywhere and anytime, such as deep breathing or muscle relaxation exercises.  I want to encourage you to help your kids identify their safe space, their stress relieving toys and activities, and identify specific coping skills.  

It's always possible to cope for hope!


Love always hopes and perseveres

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Jeff Veley

Jeff Veley is youth speaker, bullying expert, and social skills educator.

His mission is to equip students with the social and emotional skills that empower them to face adversity, grow in resilience, and solve their own social problems by exercising the Golden Rule.

To date, Jeff's message has reached over one million people.  Jeff and his program have been recognized by the Interfaith Peace-Building Initiative of the United Nations and are a recipient of the Golden Rule International Award for effectiveness in teaching conflict resolution.  The United Nations officially recognizes Jeff as a Goodwill Peace Ambassador in over 120 nations of the world.

Loving Your Kids Through Consequences

Giving consequences can be tricky for a parent.  After all, who wants to punish a kid that they love.  If you do want to punish a child, it can often be in a moment of frustration.  You likely faced a consequence that you didn't deserve as a kid.  Perhaps you had a parent that issued a consequence while angry that was harsher than it needed to be.

The organization "Love & Logic" has done an incredible job teaching parents how to put their emotions aside and give fair consequences that match the behavior that is trying to be corrected.  I would encourage you to click the link above and check out their work.  You'll likely discover that one of the strategies works like magic with your kids to make giving consequences and promoting positive behavior a more positive experience for both you and your children.

All good consequences are motivated by love and are designed to promote positive behavior
— Jeff Veley

Love is not self-seeking

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Jeff Veley

Jeff Veley is youth speaker, bullying expert, and social skills educator.

His mission is to equip students with the social and emotional skills that empower them to face adversity, grow in resilience, and solve their own social problems by exercising the Golden Rule.

To date, Jeff's message has reached over one million people.  Jeff and his program have been recognized by the Interfaith Peace-Building Initiative of the United Nations and are a recipient of the Golden Rule International Award for effectiveness in teaching conflict resolution.  The United Nations officially recognizes Jeff as a Goodwill Peace Ambassador in over 120 nations of the world.