Saying “Bullying” is Like Pulling a Fire Alarm

The Unintended Consequences of “Bullying”

If you ever had someone pull the fire alarm, you know the panic that erupts. I remember that some kids at my high school thought it would be funny to pull the fire alarm as a prank. The staff was not amused. While the students thought that it would only cause us to get out of class early, they were unaware of the negative consequences. Not only did everyone evacuate but the fire department responded and after two incidents started sending the school a bill. The “fire alarm kids” wound up costing the school a lot of money and after a few incidents, a reward was offered for any student that would turn them in.

Why the Word Bullying is Unhelpful

Using the word “bullying” is like pulling the fire alarm. Gone are the days of using this term casually to describe aggression. Today, bullying is a legal word. While it may be overused, abstract, and unhelpful, saying “bully” or “bullying” creates a frenzy and now must be investigated by law. Bullying investigations require that everyone is questioned, even the alleged victim. Past behavior can also be brought up. This means that you may deal with a squabble that kids had in 4th-grade squabble while investigating their cyber rumors in 7th grade.

While some people are quick to use the word, like my high school peers, they are unaware of the costs and unintended consequences. In my decade of training in schools, I’ve seen this word cause more confusion and division in the education system than anything else. 

The Best Way to Manage Aggression

Research is clear that the best way to deal with social aggression is through education and empowerment. Specifically, building the emotional resilience of students makes them less likely to be offended by non-criminal aggressive behaviors. Equipping kids with social and emotional skills teach them how to manage their feelings and what to say when someone is mean.

Students should always be encouraged to seek help if someone is in danger or they don’t know how to respond. Still, the majority of conflicts are small squabbles that kids of all ages can learn to resolve, quickly and easily.

Replace the Word “Bullying”

The best way to stop bullying is to stop using the word. When people hear “bully” it triggers their own past experiences, opinions, and beliefs. The conversation is emotionally-charged from the start. As school psychologist, Dr. Brooks Gibbs says, “When the word ‘bully’ is in the conversation, logic is not”. Instead of using the big, bad, B-word, replace it with words like aggression or squabbles. 

When to Investigate Student Conflicts

If incidents of aggression include threats, are criminal (like harm to someone’s body or property), or ongoing, it warrants a thorough investigation. These types of behaviors may meet your state’s legal definition of “bullying” but often, by this point, a crime has been committed. School administrators would be foolish to call assault and battery “physically bullying” and try to handle it themselves. It’s better to let the police handle criminal matters and support students and families on the education end of things. After all, schools are educational institutions.

Training & Resources

Looking for a psychological approach to aggression? I offer live in-person events (for students and grownups) as well as virtual live events. You can find a student curriculum, on-demand training for educators, parent training, and a certification course for counselors.

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Jeff Veley is an award-winning youth motivational speaker and education consultant who specializes in resilience education for social aggression. Over 1 million people have been impacted by Jeff’s peace-making strategies.  As a result, he’s received two international awards for effectiveness in conflict resolution and is officially recognized as a Peace Ambassador by the United Nations.