Meet Nick Vujicic

I first heard Nick's story years ago.  At the time, I had no idea who he was or the impact that his story would have on my life.  Maybe, like me, in the past few years you have had moments where you wanted to give up.  Perhaps you have faced obstacles and didn't know how to overcome them.  I believe that Nick's story will change you and give you hope. 

Take time today to love yourself.  You have a purpose and a story worth telling and one that's worth writing.

Need to talk to someone?  
Call my friends at The HopeLine...

Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255


Love Always Perseveres

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Jeff Veley

Jeff Veley is youth speaker, bullying expert, and social skills educator.

His mission is to equip students with the social and emotional skills that empower them to face adversity, grow in resilience, and solve their own social problems by exercising the Golden Rule.

To date, Jeff's message has reached over one million people.  Jeff and his program have been recognized by the Interfaith Peace-Building Initiative of the United Nations and are a recipient of the Golden Rule International Award for effectiveness in teaching conflict resolution.  The United Nations officially recognizes Jeff as a Goodwill Peace Ambassador in over 120 nations of the world.

Dealing with an Authority Figure Who Bullies

It's always a pleasure to hear from our listeners who email me.  Feel free to drop me a question anytime at team@jeffveley.com

You can get some further tips from my email response to Julie...

Hi Julie,

It surely sounds like this boss has some serious problems with maturity, anger, and dominance behavior.  It could be due to a lot of factors.  I think the real question to ask is whether she’s trying to dominate others by putting them down or if this is the symptom of a deeper problem such as anxiety, feeling inadequate, etc.  Truly knowing the motive can help with planning a response. 

Obviously you already know my advice for dominance behavior… the Peace Sign.  It solves 95% of issues within a week if the target is consistent and seeking to hurt someones feelings.  When they don’t succeed, they give up or move on.  If that isn’t working then my guess is that the problem is much larger than this.  It could be a number of things.

The question is what motivates her.  What are her goals?  What are her fears?  If she can realize that she’s getting in her own way, it will help her want to change.  If the boss might be receptive, I would suggest sitting down and having a conversation regarding her conduct and how it’s impacting things that are important to you.  You can embed things that are important with her in this conversation.  This gives her notice of the problem and an opportunity to change.  If this is not effective, then you need to see if there are grounds for a harassment case.  If so, you can file one but this may raise hostility.  Sometimes it’s the wakeup call that someone needs.  If they feel like a victim though, it will almost always make things worse. 

If it gets to that level you may need to decide on pursing a workplace harassment case or finding a new job.  As the saying goes, money can’t buy happiness. 

Hope this helps,

Jeff Veley


Love is Patient

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Jeff Veley

Jeff Veley is youth speaker, bullying expert, and social skills educator.

His mission is to equip students with the social and emotional skills that empower them to face adversity, grow in resilience, and solve their own social problems by exercising the Golden Rule.

To date, Jeff's message has reached over one million people.  Jeff and his program have been recognized by the Interfaith Peace-Building Initiative of the United Nations and are a recipient of the Golden Rule International Award for effectiveness in teaching conflict resolution.  The United Nations officially recognizes Jeff as a Goodwill Peace Ambassador in over 120 nations of the world.

The Golden Rule

The Golden Rule is one of the most well-known of all ancient teachings.  We often learn it as children but I would argue that we don't fully understand it or the power that it holds to transform relationships.  After all, when you hear "Treat others the way that you want to be treated", you may think that it simply means to be nice to others.  If this is the case, you're missing out on the genius behind it.  While it is true that it means that we should be nice to nice people, we don't really need a rule for that.  Being nice to those who are first nice to us is easy, it comes natural.  In fact we reciprocate friendly behavior when others are first nice to us (see my blog post on The Law of Reciprocity from last week for reference).  

The Golden Rule was invented to teach us how to be nice to people that are seemingly difficult.  It leverages the Law of Reciprocity in your favor.  When you are nice to someone that is mean to you, they start to feel guilty for treating you badly.  As much as they may dislike you and may not want to be your friend, they will start to see you as 'friendly' when you use live by the Golden Rule.  I teach the Golden Rule this way... "Treat everyone like friends, even your enemies.  

It is true that the Golden Rule is the best way to make friends and manage enemies.  This ancient social skill which is over 3,000 years old is still the one thing that could change the world overnight.  Just imagine how different our world would be if everyone lived by the Golden Rule for just 24 hours.  The Golden Rule is a shared moral teaching that is accepted by all.  It is included in every major religion, but you don't have to be religious to embrace it.   Even atheists value it's moral teaching and promote it.  It speaks of no god or deity.  

As a bullying expert, and social skills educator, and World Peace/Civility Ambassador, the Golden Rule is still the number one skill that I teach and promote in my work.  It is the foundation for all of my work because I have seen the power that it has to transform relationships.  Take some time today to teach the Golden Rule to your children and talk about what it means to be a Golden Rule home.  If you are to have just one rule for your family, I highly recommend that you make it the Golden Rule.

 

Golden Rule Remix

For parents...
"Parent the way that you would like to be parented"

For educators...
"Teach the way that you would like to be taught"

For leaders...
"Lead the way that you would like to be lead"

For coaches...
"Coach the way that you would like to be coached"


Love is Kind


Jeff Veley is the recipient of the Golden Rule International Award from the Interfaith Peace-Building Initiative.  His program received this award for effectiveness in teaching conflict resolution skills and the promotion of the Golden Rule as it relates to bullying prevention.  

Jeff s officially recognized as a World Peace Ambassador by the United Nations in 120 nations of the world and is a leading expert on applying the Golden Rule to bullying/social aggression.  

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Jeff Veley

Jeff Veley is youth speaker, bullying expert, and social skills educator.

His mission is to equip students with the social and emotional skills that empower them to face adversity, grow in resilience, and solve their own social problems by exercising the Golden Rule.

To date, Jeff's message has reached over one million people.  Jeff and his program have been recognized by the Interfaith Peace-Building Initiative of the United Nations and are a recipient of the Golden Rule International Award for effectiveness in teaching conflict resolution.  The United Nations officially recognizes Jeff as a Goodwill Peace Ambassador in over 120 nations of the world.

The Law of Reciprocity

The Law of Reciprocity can be easily summed up as "Treat others the way that they treat you".  Our naturally tendency as human beings is to allow the behavior of others to dictate how we treat them.  If they are nice to us, we are nice to them.  If they are mean to us we are mean to them.  This instinctual reaction is embedded in our DNA and has existed since the dawn of time.

Today we hear people describe the Law of Reciprocity in several ways.  You may have heard the phrase "Respect is earned".  Essentially this means that instead of being respectful to begin with, this person will simply reciprocate respect if you are first respectful to them.  I've always found this phrase to be challenging.  To me it seems packed with a lot of attitude and expectations right out of the gate.  It would be difficult to befriend someone who thinks this way.  It automatically starts out on the wrong foot, in my opinion.

You may be wondering why we are wired for reciprocity.  I believe that the answer for this can be found in history.  Our ancestors, the cave men, relied on instinctual behavior like the law of reciprocity to protect them from their enemies.  In this uncivilized society, people lived by the survival of the fittest.  Each day brought a fight for food, protecting territory, possessions, and family.  The biological programming for reciprocity helped these primitive people respond to their enemies and friends in a way that made sense based on their behavior.

Today, the Law of Reciprocity no longer serves us well.  When we treat people the way that they treat us, it allows them to dictate our response.  That's no way to live.  If you want to live a happy life you must decide not to let how people treat you to ruin your day.  When you do this, you will become resilient and difficult people will not be able to shake your happiness.  Next week on the blog I'll share the genius of the Golden Rule, which is the age-old secret to dealing with people that are unkind and seemingly difficult.  

Love does not dishonor others.


Jeff Veley is a national speaker, social skills educator, and entertainer specializing in resilience education for bullying prevention.  His mission is to equip students with the social and emotional skills that empower them to face adversity, grow in resilience, and solve their own social problems.  Jeff's message has reached over one million people.  He's received the Golden Rule International Award, the World Civility International Award, and is recognized by the United Nations for effectiveness in conflict resolution.  You can learn more about his program here.

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Jeff Veley

Jeff Veley is youth speaker, bullying expert, and social skills educator.

His mission is to equip students with the social and emotional skills that empower them to face adversity, grow in resilience, and solve their own social problems by exercising the Golden Rule.

To date, Jeff's message has reached over one million people.  Jeff and his program have been recognized by the Interfaith Peace-Building Initiative of the United Nations and are a recipient of the Golden Rule International Award for effectiveness in teaching conflict resolution.  The United Nations officially recognizes Jeff as a Goodwill Peace Ambassador in over 120 nations of the world.